Gradually, everything was set in place. I could easily see all that the Father had planned from the beginning. The crowds grew and my popularity spread. As this happened, I became more and more a target, an object of jealousy and a person who had to be eliminated. Surrounding me were these disciples. They were frail, weak and did not understand, but they were loyal. I knew where their hearts were, all except for one.

Judas was clever. He remained close but always holding back. He never fully gave me his heart. He was more an observer than a sharer. Like someone who never made a full decision, he wanted to keep his options open. He grasped what I was saying when I spoke of my death. He knew this was quite possible, given the growing hostility. He was mentally preparing for that possibility. Which side would he be on? What position would he take when my enemies were ready to strike? His heart was not totally with me. His mind and his self-interest held him back from a full surrender. He was on the fence with his options still open. That is not the heart of a disciple and he lost many of the graces that I poured out every day. A divided heart can never receive my blessings.