I tried not to look down the road but it was difficult not to see what was looming on the horizon. The clouds were gathering. More accusers were coming forth to challenge me. Even the twelve grew disturbed, thinking that sometimes my criticism was too harsh. They did not see that all of this would lead to my death.

What was I to do? I could only move ahead. I had no control over these clouds. They would form themselves and then cast down their rain of death when the occasion was right. Until that happened, much had to be accomplished. Yet, I could never fully avert my eyes from a situation that was obvious to all. My enemies wanted to destroy me and they clearly had the power to do so.

For me, it was always a question of my apostles. How would they handle this darkness when it came full force against me? How hard I tried to prepare them!